nh

Walked around blustery Portsmouth, New Hampshire, winding around the harbor front chasing birds into the overcast morning. Said hi to a little girl energetically hurling bread crumbs, then ran across a rickety old bridge over the state line into Maine. This corner of the world, is in a word, calm. Even high strung, stressed out me feels inclined to breathe in a little deeper, linger in coffee shops a little longer..

august + reflections

Want: new tote bag, Raybans, running shoes, novels, new textbooks, haircut; miss: running in the metroparks, vanilla latte at Caribou, rain biking, baking cookies, pleasure reading, friends, extended conversations, lazy summer days; learned: what an LBO stands for, M&A model, LBO model, how to do a WACC calculation, how to read an income and cashflow statement, realized why a balance sheet is called a balance sheet, how to format excel, how to use a bloomberg terminal, how to call factset for help, how to not take markups personally, how to actively manage my lifestyle/sanity, how to stay focused on the important things; loved: trying to wakeboard, making spinach omelettes, july 4th fireworks, attending my first wedding, Carolina Theater, the scrap exchange, first trip to ikea, drinks with the office + mark, hiding up kennesaw, meeting new friends in new york, moma, getting lost in Harlem, swings in little italy

I’ve been meaning to write - but somehow always too tired or when I navigate to this page, find that I lack the adequate words to describe this experience. In general, work days are demanding, fast-paced, weekends are a treasure - when I manage to avoid doing work. Today for instance:

Got up this morning and made spinach mushroom omelets, did dry cleaning, bought groceries, then went hiking up kennesaw  mountain after a picnic in the woods. Got back, picked up dry cleaning, bought more groceries, then Mark had a friend over for dinner. Went for a swim, listened to a Brahms violin concerto while halfheartedly pedaled on an exercise bike. Amazing how much living you can accomplish in a day, uninterrupted by corporate America.

Next week we move to our new office. Already halfway through, and then I have a week between the end of the program and the start of senior year. Maybe some good time to get my thoughts in a row, preferably on a beach somewhere, far far away from the nearest computer or blackberry.

July 4th fireworks exhale over the Hudson sadly.

It is beautiful that they have to disappear.

It’s like the time you said I love you madly.

That was an hour ago. It’s been a fervent year.

I don’t really love fireworks, not really, the flavorful floating shroud

In the nighttime sky above the river and the crowd.

This time, because of the distance upriver perhaps, they’re not loud,

Even the colors aren’t, the patterns getting pregnant and popping.

They get bigger and louder when they start stopping.

They try to rally

At the finale.

It’s the four-hundredth anniversary of Henry Hudson’s discovery—

Which is why the fireworks happen on this side of the island this year.

Shad are back, and we celebrate the Hudson’s Clean Water Act recovery.

What a joy to eat the unborn. We’re monsters, I fear. What monsters we’re.

We’ll binge on shad roe next spring in the delicious few minutes it’s here.

“Downtown” - Frederick Seidel, the New Yorker

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free? hello summer

How awesome

3:28 PM. and I can’t concentrate. The reality of finals is beginning to settle in - which is usually enough to impel me to stress-induced productivity. For some reason its not working – I am now stressed, but still lacking the ability to be productive. Gahh. I guess this is what I get for trying to do work on LDOC.

last year on ldoc

It’s LDOC, and I’m pretending to do work.

There aren’t very many people here, purple walls and orange table dividers drape the clicking noise of the Macbooks and announce silent progress. Girls in sundresses are out on the quad already, despite this too cold for sundresses, but sunny no less, day in April. My biology lectures sprawled on the table, something about the hangover locus in Drosophila. And inebrieometers. How appropriate.

Today, I am 19 years old, 68 food points on my DukeCard, no intellectual property to my name, addicted to the New York Times, hopeful, anxious, more or less still undefined. Two more exams, a few more pages on Nietzsche and Kierkegaard, boxes in storage, keys returned, posters rolled up, and I will go back to Solon with five more months of life experiences to carry around with me to Borders and Chagrin Falls.

I do plenty of looking back and looking forward on a regular basis. But today I think I am content to just stay in this moment. I am thankful this feeling. For the people who have touched my heart more deeply than they will ever know. For the possibility of faith. For all the opportunities, and for the adventures I will have in the years to come, starting with my foray into the ruins of Greece in T-minus 25 days. For conviction and confidence. For acceptance. For pure and simple, unfettered, uncomplicated, happiness.